Christmas Day, 2006
Wrapping paper stoned from force
Scattered around the Soviet drab
It smelled like cigarettes and worn rugs
And heavy wood, she couldn't move
Neither 5 bodies in the room
One, hot with heavy fists
The little boy did not discard the waste
Assaulting, into each garbage bag
Quick, the parents chortle lost
Alone, he cleaned
And exhaled
And staved tears of envy
Red bruised
That glare
Grabbed him by the wrist
A glimmer of gold looked past
In the basin of trash
Now frostbitten blue
It bit the other two
Ruined the mood
A break from school
Followed, loomed
He was not safe
Shame spent as it came
Head to rest among the remains
The next day, it was the same
It never left
Until today
I forgive you
Chewing gum
From Europe like him
A gigantic ball to strain his jaw
And shape what it became
Sweets are perverse
Sweets make demons of
Children imagining a woman's touch
Factory-made to dissolve
Those perpetual cavities
Grandfather's grew back
Like a miracle
He died a year later
No sweets this Halloween
The little boy cried
Ashamed
By the two who lashed
His sour stained tongue
No sweets this year
At least of their knowing
He stole like a rat
And hid the carcass among
Balls of stringed yarn
The same he picked
And sometimes tasted
He was a rat
In their eyes
Most often a dog
Who doesn't get a pet
When he shits on the carpet
Or humps the kid next door
Ordered to the crate
More hidden there
So he ate and ate and ate
And cried
Because punishment appeared
Like the morning sun on his face
Each day
Dug deeper into the neck
Afraid he turned himself a threat
And unto others
Even now
I forgive you
Ill for months and months on end
It was as real as God or happiness to him
School brought home like before
No friends to touch or laugh
Or an index finger to dig into
Eastern energy pools
Purple from abuse
That was long gone
Sad, he thought of Calvin
And his good pal Hobbes
$50 could fix
For until his cough brought
An eye embedded with glass
And doctors he did not trust
Which dried at 3 or 4 or 5
Not all at once
To the store he went
But only to check
They had it! 300 pages each!
And his credit scored well
On thin wrists
Easily snapped in two
With a wail they heard him
They all did
Coughed out of the room
Too old for this
A hospital bed
A prison
"For you", they said
His spirit too I suppose
And those pillowcases
A gift is never yours
Just like his life
Two days later arrived by mail
Left unread
If only he could wait
One week post-nasal drip
Flecked spit onto its cover
And vandalized it
And hated it
And loved it from afar
Another, his face to splash
Their basalt coughs
Back to bed
You thoughtless sow
You spoiled brat
You precious child
Survived they cheered
To face the locust cloud
Like before
Sickness was better
Though always will a cripple
Docile and active
Hoveled in pain
Again and again
And again and again
And again
You poor boy
Blamed himself the whole time
Today? Still
He hates women?
He hates normies?
He hates authority?
He hates the world?
Easier than hating himself
More than the world
More than authority
More than normies
More than women
My shoulder is yours friend
A shirt can be replaced
But you cannot
Silk stinks as time progress
But you have yet to ripe
Come into my arms
A couple of others too
We love you to death
So please don't go
I love you
I forgive you