My childhood bedroom is much more crowded then it ever was when I called it my home. Only a narrow corridor of floorspace remains beside piles and piles of shit I've accumulated over the years: all after I left over 6 years ago. It's cozier now. I'm listening to some anime trance remix that reminds me of the music I so ignorantly listened to in my youth. By ignorance, I mean I would throw it on, found somehow, recommended by some algorithm? I'm forget if that was even a thing back then. Maybe it was found on some thread on 4chan. It was always late at night, browsing, gaming. I didn't even like video games, I was just trying to find something to make me feel like I wasn't alone. I really did feel that way back then. And still? I'm recovering.
I'm revisiting my old home before I - (((((jet ((rocket)) set))))) - off to Europe for 6 months. Why? A number of reasons. To rekindle a relationship with my parents. To see friends I feel I've abandoned (all in the name of being a mad man). And to expose myself to some things I feel I've repressed throughout my adult life. Some things that can't help but spill out onto the floor and stain my birkenstock slippers. The cork's peeling off in chunks, not that I haven't been picking at it.
I'm only really writing to procrastinate doing some work that I should do before tomorrow morning, but I'll likely get more done on the website in the coming weeks. Could it become (dare I say) full to the brim and beyond before I leave?????
That's the plan. But a secondary plan, maybe even tertiary.
I'm reading the ebin meme book Gravity's Rainbow right now. I hate that I am reminded of this each time I pick it up. Only 100 or so pages in, but can tell its a masterpiece. Fuck my only hater that lives inside my peneal gland, I may be late to the meme but it's damn good. Like Gothic literary pan-Atlantic military industrial complex. It mimics our collective psychosis that emerged from its cadre du temps.
and now I'm slipping out of time myself. Goodnight.