What do I want out of life?

I want to spend my life in search of Zen, and in that search, learn and enact that experiential learning to try and help others find Zen.

I want a companion, well I want mutiple companions, but I want one special companion to join me on my journey. This companion does not need to actively join me on my quest. I want to spend my time in Zen with them, and help them achieve whatever goals they set out for. I see no greater thrill in life than an outside element to stir up my waters when I become most sure of myself. I wish to do the same for them. My intellectual, human, romantic, sexual life partner. And while some chaos in life might not seem like something which creates conditions for Zen, one cannot learn without chaos to provide a sample of life's many flavours. I too, want to provide that same chaos for my companion, in as much as it could breed the conditions for tasting life.

I want other companions, any number, that I can call a community. This is not my only community. This is my life community. No matter how near or far, we live in each others' lives like the sidewalks on the way to the grocery store or the pharmacy.

I want a local community.

I want to be able to communicate with anyone I come across in life. If not with language, then in our capacity as humans. With each of these people, I want to meet them as a human, and not anything else. There are times when you want to find somebody who can get a job done in some capacity. This may be the case. But if I meet them for a purpose, I, too, want to transcend that purpose and talk to them as human. It is not so simple, too, to meet them as a human. To see the humanity in those who may not even realize it themselves. But I will try. And I will fail. Until I don't. Or, I think I don't.

I want to integrate myself into the system of nature, and in turn, try to remind those I meet that they are meant to be a part of it. This does not mean I will isolate myself in the woods. I will be where people are until I grow tired of it, because being in a place with people is the way we can try to be a part of nature. If nature is a system, and that includes the trees, the birds and the deer, for example, it too includes the dwelling spaces and the humans who reside in them. It's just its material composition that separates and isolates us from nature's systems. Oh how sick we've become in cities, where we forget we are Animals, living beings like the trees and the fish. When we eat, drink, build, destroy and sleep, we should remember that we do these things in a network that human activity is only a minuscule part in. Never forget the birds, they are around us all the time. Look to the squirrels if you have to, or the rats in your walls.

I want to help others realize that they are animals. We are not gods just because we can think enough to cause ourselves harm.

I want to love all those around me, even though as I write this I am filled with so much hate. But the first step is loving yourself. Not the self that exists in the virtual world us humans have built to separate us from nature, but as a natural being. You can exist on the same level as others while maintaining faith to the natural world even if others are still looking through convex glass. We are all human, after-all. And we all have the capacity to return to the natural world as such.

I want to take responsibility for my actions, and let them go. And do not let my intentions become corrupted by those accursed gifts of consciousness which make possible our further separation from nature.

I love You, and that's why I wrote this.